Trust and Love

Trust and love, these two words seems to be the hardest thing that i can entrust myself to a girl after going through for what i thought which was bad 3 years ago. I got back a grip of myself as time passes and knowing a girl which i found very interesting to know of. She's very open minded and talks about everything which is available to talk about. Not knowing as time come and goes i slowly actually had feelings towards her and all but, i held it in because i thought i hadn't the qualities and all to be what a guy really needs to be. So as it goes it grew till a point that it became a burden deep down inside that it is hard to contain anymore whenever you're not talking with that someone. I have always feared rejection, not just rejection from an affair but also rejection from other criteria including being accepted and all. The first one wasn't so successful so i thought, "there's always a first time for it" therefore, i took the chance and asked those magical questions that may bring euphoria to an individual or at the same time shatter's them to tiny fragments of unseen dusts. As it comes, i already have a certain intuition which tells me that, "John, this is not gonna happen." yeah, it was right alright. It hit me. Hard. The bonds that we once shared of were never the same again from that day to be date. Till now i find it very hard to avoid her presence because i needed to move on. Alas, willpower failed on me i go on from time to time checking what's happening to her just like what i did with my previous one. From then, the thought of being particularly close to a female does intimidates me. I do not want to feel as i am again. I do not want to feel rejection again. Whenever i see the word, Love is used i think twice of what it truly meant. Giving all your full trust, sharing the weirdest moments that you had and accepting weird nicknames that one give is hard for me to give in. Am i that bad of a person to deserve this. I'm just waiting. When will i truly move on from this.