So far to where I have walked in life, I have only made 3 confessions. The first two did not work out. I wouldn't say third time's the charm but it did leave a special mark which would never be occupied by anything else.
My life have practically been like a roller coaster since she came back. It started all the way back when she safely arrive in Malaysia on November 2013. Our conversations on one another got deeper as the days pass by in the aspects of topics regarding about feelings. One day she mentioned that she was waiting for her prince, turns out after countless of attempts asking her who that prince was, it was me all along. Waited for me since 2009.
Things were complicated. She was with someone back then. On 23rd of December we decided to have the talk because our conversations were getting somewhere and I believe that it will hurt her if this keeps on. The aftermath of the talk was really heart shattering in a way. SHE even thought that she had lost me as her friend. There were many moments where our relationships as just friends could have just shattered but it did not. Instead we came back together stronger than before. Despite so much that has happened, oddly there was not any element of AWKWARDNESS. I did hear it from a friend of mine saying that, you will only feel awkward if you think its awkward. Those words actually make sense as to what I am currently experiencing.
Suddenly things took a sharp turn. She suddenly broke up with her current one. I was there to be her pillow to catch her from her fall and make her happy. Things went really fast afterwards and many things happened between us. But one thing that she realized is that, she was not ready. She did not want me to be her rebound therefore she needed time to find who she is. I could not do anything as this was her decision and all I could do was wait until she was ready.
Though things did not go as I wanted. Though we did not get into a relationship. However, the love that I have received, given and accepted has made me felt what love was like. It is an overwhelming feeling that is very warm and makes you looking forward to every new day that we see when we open our eyes from our sleep. It somehow challenged me to be a better person than who I am today compared to before and I am thankful for that.
I really do hope that things between us will work out in the future. My dad talked to me about this and said, be happy with what you have at the moment, for whatever that comes in the future it is unforeseeable and who knows that if your bonds are strong enough it might meant to be.
You will always be my first love.
